Myopia Movies

Ernest Saves Christmas

Enjoy this early Christmas Present! This week on Myopia Movies, someone needs to save Christmas and we know just the corporate spokesman, know-what-I-mean? We watched Ernest Saves Christmas, Animal Control and Air Traffic Control in the same film?!?!?! Vern...
How will Ernest Saves Christmas hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Lauren and Jeremy
Directed by John R. Cherry IIIStarring: Jim Varney, Douglas Seale, Oliver Clark, Noelle Parker, Gailard Sartain, Billie Bird, Robert Lesser

Avatar

This week on Myopia Movies, we watched the classic story where an outsider falls in love with an indigenous person and tries to protect them and their land. Ok, not Pocahontas, no, not Ferngully. Ok, not original, but valuable property that somehow earned itself a land in Disney World and now has four sequels coming out, including one this weekend. We watched Avatar, where large cat people have intercourse with trees via their ponytail. Well done, Jim Cameron. Well done.
How will Avatar hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Keiko
Directed by: James Cameron
Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Michelle Rodriguez, Giovanni Ribisi, Joel David Moore

Eight Crazy Nights

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch an entire town kick around a illiterate little person for 75 minutes. We watched Eight Crazy Nights, we tried to keep it festive, but Adam Sandler giving a TBI to the protagonist after the musical number about how great the mall is, was the best we could do. Happy Hanukah!
How will Eight Crazy Nights hold up?Directed by Seth KearsleyStarring: Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Jackie Sandler, Austin Stout, Kevin Nealon, Norm Crosby, Jon Lovitz, Tyra Banks

Jingle all the Way

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch a millennial Christmas Classic, Jingle All The Way! Bathe in the 1990s nostalgia as we visit trampling people for toys, malls, and toy stores. Also, Phil Hartman's masterclass on seducing a woman away from Arnold. 
How will Jingle All The Way hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Keiko, Nur, Candice, Matthew, and Jeremy
 
Directed by Brian LevantStarring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil Hartman, Rita Wilson, Robert Conrad, Martin Mull, Jake Lloyd, Jim Belushi

Man of Steel

This week on Myopia Movies, we learn how the world became entranced with Henry Cavill and started to fall out with Zack Snyder. We watched Man of Steel home to the world's most vindictive Pa Kent and the one where Superman kills thousands in his final fight.
Happy Thanksgiving from us at Myopia and safe shopping and travels today!
How will Man of Steel hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Keiko, Matthew, Nur, Alex
 
Directed by Zack SnyderStarring Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Diane Lane, Russell Crowe, Antje Traue, Harry Lennix, Richard Schiff, Christopher Meloni, Kevin Costner, Ayelet Zurer, Laurence Fishburne

Return to Oz

First, take a beloved musical from the 1930s and let it age on a shelf for forty-plus years.
Second, strip out all the songs.
Third, turn it into a waking nightmare.
This week on Myopia Movies, we dove into Return to Oz! Isn’t it delightful when Creepy Kids Month syncs perfectly with a blockbuster release like Wicked: For Good? Though honestly…this movie might be memorable for entirely different reasons. Not good ones—just…reasons.
 
How will Return to Oz hold up?
 
Host: Nic
Panel: Charlie, Alex, Keiko
 
Directed by: Walter Murch
Starring: Fairuza Balk, Nicol Williamson, Jean Marsh, Piper Laurie, Matt Clark, Michael Sundin, Tim Rose, Sean Barrett, Mak Wilson, Brian Henson

The Ring (2002, USA)

"Like no one has ever been, like, aroused by close up magic, right? You're just like, ah, wow. That was my card. My God, where did that ball go? Who knows? Can I just pay for my, like, mozzarella sticks" - NicThis week, Myopia Movies continue Creepy Kid Movie Month with The Ring — the iconic, blue-green, early-2000s mood piece that taught us two essential truths: never trust a VHS tape without a label, and if a horse looks at you funny on a ferry… just walk away.
We dive into Gore Verbinski’s eerie remake, the very specific shade of Pacific Northwest Depression Filter™, Naomi Watts’ crusade against cursed media, and the seven-day slow decline of a family held together mostly by caffeine and denial. Along the way, the panel examines horse suicides, VHS nostalgia, Pacific Northwest lighthouses, creepy kids named Aiden, and the logistics of a ghost girl committing long-distance murder through a Zenith television.
Support Myopia Movies in a New Way!
We’ve launched an Amazon Wish List filled with movies we want to riff—but here’s the twist: the titles are anonymous. You won’t know which Myopia host picked them! Buy one, and we’ll: Record an episode on the movie and you tell us anything you want to plug! We will record a special Myopia Riff of the movie just for you and mail you a copy with the optional riff audio.
Sign the case It’s a mystery grab bag of bad movies, nostalgia, and chaos—our favorite combo. Check out the list and help us pick our next cinematic adventure!
How will The Ring hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Keiko, Alex, MatthewDirected by Gore VerbinskiStarring: Naomi Watts, Martin Henderson, David Dorfman, Brian Cox, Jane Alexander, Lindsay Frost, Amber Tamblyn

The Good Son

This week we learn who is creepier, Macaulay Culkin who murdered one and a half siblings or Elijah Wood who is convinced that his mom is reincarnated into his aunt. We watched The Good Son. Ok, so the corpse highway car accident might be the greatest thing put to film and my favorite sentence I have gotten to write. 
How will the Good Son hold up?
Directed by Joseph RubenStarring: Macaulay Culkin, Elijah Wood, Wendy Crewson, David Morse, Daniel Hugh Kelly, Jacqueline Brookes, Quinn Culkin