Myopia Movies

Arachnophobia

This week we get alllllll creepy crawly. We watched Arachnophobia, another movie, like almost all movies, that doesn't have nearly enough John Goodman! 
“Before Eight-Legged Freaks made spiders scream-worthy and before Jeff Daniels became America’s favorite newsroom anchor, there was Arachnophobia—the movie that turned every shoe, vacuum, and rolled-up newspaper into a weapon of survival.
This week on Myopia Movies, we crawl back to 1990 to face our fears—literally—with a horror-comedy that dares to ask: what if your quaint small town was overrun by an army of venomous spiders with a taste for blood… and interior design?
Is it scary? Is it silly? Is it the Jaws of the jungle gym set? Let’s put it to the test as we examine toxic masculinity, arachnid-based paranoia, and John Goodman as a pest control cowboy who deserves his own franchise.
So shake out your shoes, check the corners of your room, and join us for Arachnophobia—a movie that proves once and for all: nature is coming for us… one creepy leg at a time.”
How will Arachnophobia hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Charlie, Keiko, Matt, Alex
 
Directed by Frank MarshallStarring: Jeff Daniels, Julian Sands, Harley Jane Kozak, John Goodman
 

Borderlands (2024)

This week on Myopia Movie, we complete our worst of the previous year month with a movie that no one wanted, and no one liked, we saw Borderlands, a movie that not only lost $114 million of a $145 million budget (excluding advertising), it was delayed for three years and this was still the best they could come up with. 
How will Borderlands hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Keiko, Matthew, Alex
 
Directed by Eli RothStarring: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Edgar Ramírez, Jamie Lee Curtis, Ariana Greenblatt, Florian Munteanu, Janina Gavankar, Jack Black, Benjamin Byron Davis, Olivier Richters, Gina Gershon

Argylle

This week we continue the Worst of the Previous Year for Oscars Month and are baffled by a stupid movie, whose book is somehow worse. We watched Argylle, the worse the script, the dumber the lie. 
How will Argylle hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Matt, Zack
Directed by Matthew VaughnStarring: Henry Cavill, Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Bryan Cranston, Catherine O'Hara, Daniel Singh, Dua Lipa, Ariana DeBose, Richard E. Grant, John Cena

Madame Web

Welcome to Myopia Movies, where this week, we watched Madame Web, Sony’s latest attempt to prove you can make a Spider-Man movie without Spider-Man—or a plot, or logic, or an audience.
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How will Madame Web hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Nur, Keiko, Matthew
 
Directed by S.J. Clarkson
Starring: Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O'Connor, Tahar Rahim, Mike Epps, Emma Roberts,  Adam Scott
 

Megalopolis (2024)

This week on Myopia Movies, in honor of the Academy Awards this week, we are covering some of the worst, weirdest, and biggest disasters of the previous year. This week we start with Francis Ford Coppola's vivid, but baffling 'Fable' Megalopolis. We're all going to the cluuuuuubbbbbb!
How will Megalopolis hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Daniel, Alex, Matthew, Keiko
Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola
Starring: Adam Driver, Giancarlo Esposito, Nathalie Emmanuel, Aubrey Plaza, Shia LaBeouf, Jon Voight, Laurence Fishburne, Talia Shire, Jason Schwartzman, Kathryn Hunter, Grace VanderWaal, Chloe Fineman, James Remar, D.B. Sweeney, Balthazar Getty

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Welcome to Myopia Movies, after that brief diversion to celebrate 500 episodes, we turned to Robin Hood: Men in Tights, I mean, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. I guess American Robin Hoods don't even need to try accents...you know what? It is for the best. 
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How will Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves hold up? 
Host: Nic
Panel: Alex, Keiko, Nur, Matt
 
Directed by Kevin ReynoldsStarring: Kevin Costner, Morgan Freeman, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Christian Slater, Alan Rickman, Geraldine McEwan, Michael McShane, Brian Blessed, Michael Wincott

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

This week on Myopia Movies, we’re celebrating a milestone—500 episodes! To honor the journey, we’re going back to a movie that came out just as we were starting and talking about the Turtles. This time, though, we are covering the 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, produced by Michael Bay, which came out while we were starting. It’s awful, it’s outrageous, and surprisingly adult for what was a kids’ movie. So, for this special episode, we’re doing something different: a syncable commentary, just like on the old CineProv Patreon. We will count off the film and tell you when to hit play. Whether you’re watching along (it was on Amazon Prime when we recorded) or just listening, we’re here to have fun, make jokes, and share in the absurdity. Thank you for supporting us through 500 episodes—we appreciate you!
How will Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) hold up? 
Host: Nic
Panel: Alex, Daniel, Matthew, and Keiko
 
Directed by Jonathan LiebesmanStarring Megan Fox, Will Arnett, William Fichtner, Noel Fisher, Alan Ritchson, Pete Ploszek, Johnny Knoxville, Jeremy Howard, Danny Woodburn, Tony Shalhoub, Tohoru Masamune, Whoopi Goldberg

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Happy Valentines Day! That means cheesy rom-coms! This week on Myopia Movies, we learn the danger of print media! We watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, or How to Troll Your Partner. We will talk horrible SOs, ruining basketball, and naming your penis! 
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How will How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Nur, Matthew, and Keiko
 
Directed by Donald Petrie
Starring: Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey, Adam Goldberg, Kathryn Hahn, Annie Parisse, Thomas Lennon