Myopia Movies

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

This week on Myopia Movies, we’re celebrating a milestone—500 episodes! To honor the journey, we’re going back to a movie that came out just as we were starting and talking about the Turtles. This time, though, we are covering the 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, produced by Michael Bay, which came out while we were starting. It’s awful, it’s outrageous, and surprisingly adult for what was a kids’ movie. So, for this special episode, we’re doing something different: a syncable commentary, just like on the old CineProv Patreon. We will count off the film and tell you when to hit play. Whether you’re watching along (it was on Amazon Prime when we recorded) or just listening, we’re here to have fun, make jokes, and share in the absurdity. Thank you for supporting us through 500 episodes—we appreciate you!
How will Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) hold up? 
Host: Nic
Panel: Alex, Daniel, Matthew, and Keiko
 
Directed by Jonathan LiebesmanStarring Megan Fox, Will Arnett, William Fichtner, Noel Fisher, Alan Ritchson, Pete Ploszek, Johnny Knoxville, Jeremy Howard, Danny Woodburn, Tony Shalhoub, Tohoru Masamune, Whoopi Goldberg

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Happy Valentines Day! That means cheesy rom-coms! This week on Myopia Movies, we learn the danger of print media! We watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, or How to Troll Your Partner. We will talk horrible SOs, ruining basketball, and naming your penis! 
Make sure to like and subscribe where ever you are getting this! Please leave us a review and follow us on Bluesky, Reddit, and Facebook!
How will How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Nur, Matthew, and Keiko
 
Directed by Donald Petrie
Starring: Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey, Adam Goldberg, Kathryn Hahn, Annie Parisse, Thomas Lennon
 

Look Who's Talking

Welcome to Myopia Movies, where we rewatch the films of our youth to see if they stand the test of time—or if nostalgia was lying to us! This week, we’re diving into 1989’s Look Who’s Talking, the baby-powered comedy that made us all wonder what our infants were really thinking. With John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and Bruce Willis as the voice of a wisecracking newborn, this movie was a box office hit—but does it still charm in 2024, or is it just baby babble? Strap in your car seats, folks—we’re about to find out!
Make sure to like and subscribe where ever you are getting this! Please leave us a review and follow us on Bluesky, Reddit, and Facebook!How will Look Who's Talking hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Keiko, Alex, Nur
 

Ice Pirates

Welcome to Myopia Movies, the podcast where we revisit the films of our youth to see if they hold up under the lens of nostalgia—or crumble under the weight of time! This week, we’re plunging headfirst into the campy chaos of 1984’s Ice Pirates. With space herpes, robot pirates, and a desert-dry water crisis, this sci-fi comedy is equal parts swashbuckling adventure and ‘80s absurdity. But does it still have treasure hidden beneath its dated special effects, or has it been lost in the black hole of bad cinema? Strap in, mateys, and let’s find out!
Make sure to like and subscribe where ever you are getting this! Please leave us a review and follow us on Bluesky, Reddit, and Facebook!
How will Ice Pirates hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Nur, Alex, Keiko, and Matt
 
Directed by Stewart RaffillStarring: Robert Urich, Mary Crosby, Michael D. Roberts, Anjelica Huston, John Matuszak, Ron Perlman, John Carradine, Natalie Core, Jeremy West, Bruce Vilanch

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

Welcome back to Myopia Movies the show where we boldly go—wait, wrong franchise—where we dive headfirst into the galaxy far, far away! And today, we’re talking about Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back, the movie that taught us three very important lessons:
1) Always check if someone’s your dad before you start a fight,
2) Tauntauns may smell bad, but they’re lifesavers, and
3) Never kiss your sibling—even if you don’t know they’re your sibling.
That’s right! We’re breaking down the movie where the good guys lose, the bad guys win, and we’re left screaming, ‘LUKE, DON’T DO IT!’ louder than Darth Vader in a parenting seminar. So grab your lightsabers, bundle up for Hoth, and let’s jump into the movie that made us all question our family trees and our ability to trust small green swamp creatures!”
Make sure to like and subscribe where ever you are getting this! Please leave us a review and follow us on Bluesky, Reddit, and Facebook!This week, we dig deeper into the cold to talk about Star Wars and one of the frostiest beginnings to a movie in cinematic history. We watched Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back! Do you love us? We know....
How will Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Lauren, Nur, Keiko, Matthew
Directed by Irvin KershnerStarring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams, Anthony Daniels, David Prowse, Peter Mayhew, Kenny Baker, Frank Oz, Alec Guinness, Jeremy Bulloch

For Your Eyes Only

This week, in honor of the cold movie month, we hit the slope with James Bond as we dust off the archives and talk For Your Eyes Only! Roger Moore beds a figure skater....classy!
How will For Your Eyes Only hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Matt, Daniel, Jon
 
Directed by John GlenStarring: Roger Moore, Carole Bouquet, Topol, Lynn-Holly Johnson, Julian Glover, Cassandra Harris, Jill Bennett, Michael Gothard, Lois Maxwell, Desmond Llewelyn

Vertical Limit

This week on our Cold Movie Month, we climb K2, because it was the style at the time. We watched Vertical Limit! Remember when Chris O'Donnell opened blockbusters? Also, stupid movie, but makes you miss Bill Paxton.
How will Vertical Limit hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Nur and Matthew
 
Directed by Martin CampbellStarring: Scott Glenn, Chris O'Donnell, Bill Paxton, Robin Tunney, Stuart Wilson, Augie Davis, Temuera Morrison, Roshan Seth, Nicholas Lea

The Shining

This week we learn the importance of allowing writers to have alcohol. We watched The Shining, today the line would be "Jimmy Fallon!"
We are starting a month of cold movies.
How will The Shining hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Matthew and Nur
Directed by Stanley KubrickStarring:Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, Danny Lloyd, Scatman Crothers, Barry Nelson, Philip Stone, Joe Turkel