Myopia Movies

The Ring (2002, USA)

"Like no one has ever been, like, aroused by close up magic, right? You're just like, ah, wow. That was my card. My God, where did that ball go? Who knows? Can I just pay for my, like, mozzarella sticks" - NicThis week, Myopia Movies continue Creepy Kid Movie Month with The Ring — the iconic, blue-green, early-2000s mood piece that taught us two essential truths: never trust a VHS tape without a label, and if a horse looks at you funny on a ferry… just walk away.
We dive into Gore Verbinski’s eerie remake, the very specific shade of Pacific Northwest Depression Filter™, Naomi Watts’ crusade against cursed media, and the seven-day slow decline of a family held together mostly by caffeine and denial. Along the way, the panel examines horse suicides, VHS nostalgia, Pacific Northwest lighthouses, creepy kids named Aiden, and the logistics of a ghost girl committing long-distance murder through a Zenith television.
Support Myopia Movies in a New Way!
We’ve launched an Amazon Wish List filled with movies we want to riff—but here’s the twist: the titles are anonymous. You won’t know which Myopia host picked them! Buy one, and we’ll: Record an episode on the movie and you tell us anything you want to plug! We will record a special Myopia Riff of the movie just for you and mail you a copy with the optional riff audio.
Sign the case It’s a mystery grab bag of bad movies, nostalgia, and chaos—our favorite combo. Check out the list and help us pick our next cinematic adventure!
How will The Ring hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Keiko, Alex, MatthewDirected by Gore VerbinskiStarring: Naomi Watts, Martin Henderson, David Dorfman, Brian Cox, Jane Alexander, Lindsay Frost, Amber Tamblyn

The Good Son

This week we learn who is creepier, Macaulay Culkin who murdered one and a half siblings or Elijah Wood who is convinced that his mom is reincarnated into his aunt. We watched The Good Son. Ok, so the corpse highway car accident might be the greatest thing put to film and my favorite sentence I have gotten to write. 
How will the Good Son hold up?
Directed by Joseph RubenStarring: Macaulay Culkin, Elijah Wood, Wendy Crewson, David Morse, Daniel Hugh Kelly, Jacqueline Brookes, Quinn Culkin

The Omen (1976)

This week on Myopia Movies, we seamlessly transition from Horror into our next month based around creepy kids. We watched The Omen (1976), the movie that forever made the name Damien creepy. 
How will The Omen (1976) hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Alex, Matthew, Nur
Directed by Richard DonnerStarring: Gregory Peck, Lee Remick, David Warner, Billie Whitelaw, Harvey Stephens, Patrick Troughton, Martin Benson

Th13rteen Ghosts (2001)

What happens when you do reshoots on 9/11, cast a character so embarrassed by her role she’s mistaken for a porn star, and give Tony Shalhoub a dramatic lead after turning a comedy into a thriller? You get this beautiful mess. This week on Myopia Movies, we watched Thir13en Ghosts (2001) — because apparently, hiring Matthew Lillard to fight ghosts without Scooby-Doo was the real horror.
How will Thir13en Ghosts (2001) hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Alex, Charlie, Matthew
 
Directed by Steve BeckStarring: Tony Shalhoub, Embeth Davidtz, Matthew Lillard, Shannon Elizabeth, Alec Roberts, JR Bourne, Rah Digga, F. Murray Abraham, Matthew Harrison

Cujo (1983)

This week on Myopia Movies, we return to King Country and deal with rabies, domestic violence, and the used car market. We watched Cujo (1983), a reminder to why you never sleep with the handyman. 
How will Cujo (1983) hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Nur
 
Directed by Lewis TeagueStarring: Dee Wallace, Danny Pintauro, Daniel Hugh Kelly, Christopher Stone, Ed Lauter

The Terminator

The is week on Myopia Movies, we went to the Jason Voorhees-esque horror movie that started it all, we watched The Terminator. Are you Sarah Connor? 
How will The Terminator hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Alex, Matt, Keiko. 
Directed by James Cameron
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn, Paul Winfield, Lance Henriksen, Rick Rossovich, Earl Boen, Dick Miller, Bill Paxton, Brian Thompson

The Birdcage

This week on Myopia Movies, we celebrate Atlanta Pride with The Birdcage! Welcome back to the show to the hairiest man that Hollywood could contain, with an added mustache! Who was the better man in drag, Nathan Lane or Robin Williams? 
How does The Birdcage hold up?
Host: Nic Hoffmann
Panel: Charlie, Nur, Alex

Freddy vs Jason

This week on Myopia Movies, we couldn't wait any longer so we are starting our Horror Month a week early...and it may even stay on a bit longer! We watched Freddy vs Jason, to borrow a slogan from the Alien vs Predator movies as a review, "who ever wins, we, the audience, loses."
How will Freddy vs Jason hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Keiko, Nur
Directed by Ronny YuStarring: Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Kelly Rowland, Monica Keena, Jason Ritter, Katharine Isabelle