Myopia Movies

The Adventures of Pluto Nash

Welcome back to another episode of "Myopia Movies," where we strap in for the cinematic car crash you can't look away from! This week, we embark on a journey to the lunar land of broken dreams and bad investments with Adventures of Pluto Nash.
Picture this: Eddie Murphy in space. Sounds promising, right? Well, hold onto your moon boots because this isn't the star-studded, sci-fi spectacular you might imagine. Instead, it's a $100 million black hole of comedy that makes you question everything—your taste in movies, your life choices, and even the concept of money itself.
Join us as we dissect the plot—or the lack thereof—of this lunar lunacy, featuring a club owner who dreams of… well, owning a club. From the laughable special effects to the "did-they-really-think-this-was-funny?" dialogue, we'll navigate the rocky terrain of one of Hollywood's most notorious box office bombs.
So, buckle up and prepare for a mission to the dark side of the moon, where the only thing lower than gravity is the bar for comedy. Adventures of Pluto Nash: It's out of this world... and straight into the bargain bin.
How will Adventures of Pluto Nash hold up?
Host: Nur
Panel: Keiko, Nic, Charlie, Daniel
Directed by: Ron Underwood
Starring: Eddie Murphy, Rosario Dawson, Jay Mohr, Randy Quaid, Joe Pantoliano, Luis Guzmán, Peter Boyle, Pam Grier, John Cleese, Alec Baldwin

Dogma

This week we learn why to bless your golf clubs. This week we watch Dogma, schnoogans! Join us as we dive into the irreverent and hilarious world of Kevin Smith's "Dogma"! This week, we dissect the film's blend of divine comedy, theological debates, and pop culture references. From fallen angels to holy bartenders, nothing is sacred as we explore the movie's wit, wisdom, and wackiness. Tune in for a celestial laugh fest where no dogma is left unchallenged!
How will Dogma hold up?
Host: Nur
Panel: Nic, Charlie, Candace.
 
Directed by: Kevin Smith
Starring: Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Jason Mewes, Chris Rock, Salma Hayek, Alan Rickman, Jason Lee, George Carlin
 

Unbreakable (2001)

Welcome to another episode of Myopia Movies! This week, we dive into the thrilling, edge-of-your-seat excitement of Unbreakable. Yes, that's right, the 2000 classic where Bruce Willis discovers his superpower: looking perpetually confused and slightly bored. 
Join us as we unravel the mystery of how a movie about a guy who can't get hurt manages to hurt our attention spans. We'll discuss Samuel L. Jackson's role as Mr. Glass, a villain whose evil plan involves extensive knowledge of comic books and a truly enviable collection of turtlenecks. 
Get ready to break down every slow-motion scene, every cryptic conversation, and every moment you wondered if M. Night Shyamalan was pulling an elaborate prank on all of us. Is Unbreakable a misunderstood masterpiece or just an elaborate exercise in testing your patience? Tune in and find out!
Don't miss it!
How will Unbreakable hold up? 
Host: Jon
Panel: Nic, Keiko, Daniel
 
Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Stars: Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Robin Wright

Xanadu

This week on Myopia Movies, we lace up our roller skates and journey back to the glitter-soaked fever dream that is Xanadu. Join us as we watch Olivia Newton-John and a surprisingly spry Gene Kelly sing and skate their way through a plot so thin you could roller disco right through it. We'll break down the movie's mix of Greek muses, neon lights, and baffling dance numbers, and ask the burning question: Is this a cult classic or just a 96-minute music video that got wildly out of hand? Grab your glow sticks, because this is one trip to Xanadu you won't soon forget.
How will Xanadu hold up?
Host: Charlie Rose
Panel: Keiko, Matthew, Nic
Director: Robert GreenwaldStarring: Olivia Newton-John, Michael Beck, Gene Kelly, James Sloyan, Dimitra Arliss, Katie Hanley, Fred McCarren, Renn Woods, Sandahl Bergman

Constantine (2005)

This week on Myopia Movies, we dive into the dark, brooding, and oh-so-edgy world of Constantine. Marvel as Keanu Reeves chain-smokes his way through a film that somehow mixes theology, horror, and noir into a cocktail of supernatural shenanigans. Join us as we explore why this movie's take on angels and demons is as subtle as a sledgehammer and why it's the cult classic you love to hate—or hate to love.
How will Constantine hold up? 
Host: Nic
Panel: Daniel, Keiko, Alex, Dan
 
Directed by: Francis Lawrence
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf, Tilda Swinton, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Djimon Hounsou, Gavin Rossdale, Peter Stormare

We're Back

This Week on Myopia Movies: We Dive into the Prehistoric Puzzler, "We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story"
Join us as we unearth the cinematic fossil that is "We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story," where the idea of dinosaurs roaming modern New York City is somehow not the most unbelievable part. This week, we're peeling back the layers of this animated onion, revealing that beneath the surface, it's just more onion. Witness the mind-bending reality where dinosaurs wear clothes, eat hot dogs, and avoid existential dread by singing. Bring your paleontology hats and a healthy dose of disbelief, because we're about to find out how a Rex with tiny arms manages more emotional depth than some of our guest stars.
How will We're Back! hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Keiko and Kellie
Directed by Phil Nibbelink, Simon Wells, Dick ZondagStarring: John Goodman, Charles Fleischer, Blaze Berdahl, Rhea Perlman, Jay Leno, Felicity Kendal, Walter Cronkite, Julia Child, Kenneth Mars, Yeardley Smith, Martin Short
 

The Rocketeer

This week we watch Disney's first attempt at a superhero picture, Iron Man fights the Nazi's! We watched The Rocketeer, the movie that shows the dangers of alcohol. 
How will The Rocketeer hold up? 
Host: Daniel
Panel: Matthew, Lauren, Charlie. 
Directed by Joe Johnston
Starring: Billy Campbell, Jennifer Connelly, Alan Arkin, Timothy Dalton, Paul Sorvino, Terry O'Quinn, Ed Lauter, James Handy, Robert Miranda, Jon Polito, William Sanderson

Rollerball (2002)

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch a remake, that was not asked for, not needed, missed the point, but boldly had Night Vision! We watched Rollerball (2002) and saw Rebecca Romjin naked in a PG 13 Movie as the director of Die Hard imagines the horrors of 2005! 
How will Rollerball (2002) hold up?
Host: Nic
Panel: Matthew, Keiko, Nur
Directed by John McTiernanStarring: Chris Klein, Jean Reno, LL Cool J, Rebecca Romijn, Naveen Andrews